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Phil the Thril
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Phil's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, September 18th, 2005
1:12 pm
well, I'm depressed. I think it has something to do with all the fun stuff in my life right now. I leave for Iraq in less than 48 hours. My personal life is literally in shambles. I had the revelation a few nights ago (in a pre-deployment drunken stupor) that I am the way that I am (and i mean with girls) and even thugh I know to do things differently (and better) I won't, and I'll be stupid ole phil till the day I die. This will probably have a very detrimental impact on my love life, but whatever. I'm really tired of trying to recieve some sort of unity between one (or all three) of the old girls. I need to meet new people like it's cool.
also depressing is the fact that everytime I talk to any of my family they say the same damn things. I ask "what's up" and it's the same damn reply. Right now they all want to talk to me too because I'm leaving, and it just gets real old. I don't even have a desire to talk to really any of them. but whatever.
Rebekah finished school apperantly. She texted me the other day after telling me not to call her anymore and hanging up on my ass a week or two prior. Needless to say I was a bit confused. Even more so when I was chatting with her via text she was all giddy and hyperish. That girl seems to have it all together... finished school, looking for a job, has a well paying one currently... and all the while she has no clue what she wants. I am at a loss to know how she can have it all together while she has no clue - and I can't get shit done even though I know exactly what I want to do. Fucking ridiculous. I'm tired of missing her, I'm tired of thinking about her all the time.

Then there is Amber. that fucker is joining the damn Marine Corps in mid december. What the hell? I'm going to miss her graduation (if she grads. on time) fucking corps. Ihave this crazy feeling that she's goign to get stationed here in 29er. And then I'll get to watch, from the first row, her descent into the typical WM (woman marine) whoredness. That'll be fun. I've known her for 4 years now, it'll be intresting to see how she turns out after the next 4. I'm just shy of my 10 month mark - I know you're not suppose to count until after the halfway point... but fuck this shit.

Anyways, I'm out - i'll try and post in Iraq, but that's only if anything intresting happens. Which it probably won't. I sort of have half a mind to not talk to, call, write, or email anyone for the entire time I'm over there. I think that would clear my mind and probably make my relationships a little more intresting. If you guys (all 2 of you) don't hear from me until april then that's probably what I did. I need some damn spice!

here's to the $12-15k i'll have when I return.

Friday, August 19th, 2005
8:43 pm
back in black
Well i'm back in CALI and it's not as bad as I thought it'd be.. at least not yet. Sure we did some stupid shit yesterday and today, but things are getting better and I think it'll continue that way. Iraq is starting to come near over the horizon. but i'm not scared, Iraq believe it or not will be the answer to a lot of nagging (or cronic) problems i've been having. A)Money B)respect (from within my community) C)College oppritunity.

Sam comes in 2 weeks, it'll be a lot of fun. Kyle is goign to come with us to the casino. I should get a 72 for that weekend too.

Tomorrow I go pick Chris up from the airport... all the way to LAX... fuck, it'll be cool, it'll occupy a saturday night inwhich I won't spend money, meaning I would save some money. At this point that is very very useful considering the money spent on the last 3 weeks of leave and the upcoming casino trip, and a few things I still need to buy, and the damn fucking cell phone bill that has gotten slightly out of control (not from talking too much either). I will consolidate and try to ease through the next 2 weeks fairly cheaply so that when sam comes I will have a good bank roll in which to rape fellow cardsharks.

I miss easy access to the internet. I pay so much damn money for every minute on this thing.. it's stupid but I'm sort of addicted. When I get back from Iraq i'm buying a bad ass laptop and getting internet in my room. Which in the end will cut down on a lot of the entertainment expenses I have now. Anyways, peace out, and stay in touch

Tuesday, August 16th, 2005
3:24 pm
back to cali
Well, I'm leaving CO and going back to cali in a few. My Denver trip was... alright. More drama with Rebekah, some fun nights with the guys drinking, met some cool girls - who don't like boys, all in all I'd call it mediocre. I don't think this place will be the same until I can come home without the thought and shadow of going back hanging over my head. I guess it sort of treats everyone this way, one really has to put their 'home' or 'life' on hold for 4 years if they plan on enlisting. I mean, sure, this is still life, and a much different one but it's not the same and the only way to make it the same is to create a life for myself out there. Meaning girlfriend, friends, normal routines, just the whole nine yards and I really don't see that happening for me. Things will be a lot more normal after I get back cause i'll get a computer and internet, and have my car, and some money, and more friends and all... but even then it's not really like living out of the military. Iraq still seems so far away. People keep telling me 'thank you' or 'you're doing something great' or something along those lines, and I guess it hasn't hit me yet. Whenever I hear that sort of thing I think 'whatever dude, this is just a freakin job.' I don't view myself as some sort of hero or anyone great.

I hope the 12-14 hour drive will miraculously get my head back in line. I don't mean back into being a Marine either (that will be accomplished by spending a few days on base). I really think that I'm depressed or some bull shit like that. I was talking with Katrina about this, some people deal with being away by trying to end or ice all their relationships back home - others deal with it by finding something they can hold on to while they're gone. Me, I'm one of the latters. I really am a happier person when I have someone to hold on to while I'm gone. school was so easy because I had Bekah the entire time, and the last few months weren't too bad because I had my Denver trip to look foward to... Now I don't know what to look foward to. Maybe I should try and stop all that and be one of the former individuals explained above. I would like to be able to be one of those, but I really don't think I could be. Some would say "well phil, why don't you hold on to your family". I love my family and all, but that doesn't do it for me, at all. I also told Katrina that I am ready to find a girl, settle down, and get married. She was shocked and appauled. I dunno, I'm tired of living from day to day, tired of living a transient lifestyle. I want to stop and be a normal, boring person who drives the daily commute to work, works 9-5, gets 2 weeks of vacation, and comes home to a woman who loves me and whom I love. That sounds so boring, i know, but that's really what I want. That's not to say I don't want to have fun anymore, just a different kind of fun.

I just wish my mind would shut the fuck up. If I could find the button to turn it off for the 8 months I'd be the happiest person alive.

Monday, August 15th, 2005
1:04 am
God damn you half vietmenesse girls....
I met a new friend tonight. Miss Kilgore Trout is her name. Gorgeous was her face. Stimulating was the conversation.
We went to dinner, which was free (for both of us cause she had a coupon). Then we took a long walk in the Garden of the gods. It was the first time I had ever been there, but even the beautiful scenery couldn't get my eyes drawn away from her. We talked about everything and it's mother. It was totally phenomenal to meet a person with nearly the same childhood experiences as me that turned out so different. Nature, or nurture? She even lived only an hour and a half from me at one point in our childhood two thousand miles from where we met. It's hard to question fate, or destiny... but one thing over rules it all... timing (and maybe sexual orientation). She knows where she stands, and I stand somewhere to the east. However, it was great to meet a fellow JF Kerry hater, especially one my age. The entire night was a good diversion from an otherwise drained evening. The Springs looked quite romantic in the night below with the fog and low level cloud cover. Like the Perelandrian queen said, the good things are meant to be enjoyed once and remembered for what they were, not for wanting again.

I'll always bring home the turkey, but she'll keep the bacon to herself.

And i'll continue working on getting my head out of the sand.
Saturday, August 13th, 2005
9:52 pm
heartfelt musings over a 'happier' person
Well, I went on my formal date tonight, with the ever elegant and always intriguing Magalie. She of course proved yet again that she is very beautiful. Even though her hair is short now, she is really fantastically attractive. She was wearing a cute black strapless dress with a little redish thing that looked sort of like a belt, and bright red strappy shoes. I was in my blues. I picked her up, and we went to the Chop House. It was sort of weird walking around downtown streets, and into a resteraunt with my uniform on. I got lots of looks, and it was obvious that everyone that saw us thought that we were... together.

We had our appitizers, main dinner and all... The food was good, I had steak (ny strip) which wasn't quite so fantastically amazing as I expected. The steak that Magalie cooked me last year is still the best I've ever had. Service was good.

Most of the time our conversation was a bit heavy. We talked a lot about her and the whole 'lesbian' thing. I told her that I didn't think she'd be lesbian for ever, or even for long. I of course explained why my position is the way it is. She seemed to sort of agree. I mean, she definently didn't rule out the possibility of becoming striaght. She even sort of let on that sooner or later she may want kids. I thought it was a very meaningful conversation. Honestly, if the girl wasn't a staunch lesbian at this point, I would be really into her. It was an intimate night that sort of sucked because even though we could talk frankly and even deeply, there was nothing more to the night then dinner and a weird sensation of knowing that even though we can be cool like that... there is nothing more for me (being a guy) than that. She is a really cool person, I think. Even with the whole lesbian thing, I enjoy her company a lot, and as I told her she is way too normal to be lesbian for ever. Her family, and upbringing and her personality is too normal for odd behavior like that. Plus she hasn't sold out to the lesbian lifestyle... she even said at one point that she didn't think she could keep up her current lifestyle for all that much longer. She maintains her feminimity (sp?) and she also remains open to the thought of having a normal life, with a husband and 3.2 kids and a nice house. She also said she wasn't very intrested in having kids of her own... she thinks that she could do more good by adopting (plus she didn't enjoy the thought of being pregnant and fat and all that is involved in that. Which is cool, that shows a very humanitarian aspect to her already fabulous personality. (and, having kids is cool, having your wife pregnant is not... lol think about it) I dunno. I just think she's a really fantastic girl, that for her reasons finds more comfort and safety in another woman's arms than a mans. She actually insinuated some reasons for that, and they were as I suspected. I told her exactly what I thought had happend (my theory) that turned her gay and I was very much close to be exactly correct, even though she sees herself as majority gay. As in, chemically and from birth, mostly gay. I told her I don't believe anyone is gay from birth, but it is a choice... she didn't agree with me there but I think she may of saw to some extent how her earlier years may of contributed to the fact that she is gay now. I dunno. Maybe I'm looking too hard at her because of my lot in life at this time. But I think i could be pretty happy with her. And I think she's a superb person (not to mention she's really beautiful).

P-don't swing that way
9:42 am
Have you ever saw a person, or been doing an errand and seen a person of the opposite sex (or same sex for you happier people) and smiled at them, or they've been smiling at you, and you exchange smiles, or glances, or some sort of somewhat intresting views of each other and then thought so hard about trying to make conversation with them in the hopes of asking them out then chickened out? Then minutes later think "what the fuck, why didn't i just make some innocent conversation to see if she was digging me as well?" Then you have the whole thought of going back. Sort of Garden State style. Then of course you decide against going back, because you're a pusskit.

Well I had one of those experiences today. At walmart. My cashier was a cute young lady that was having trouble operating the reciept printer for the customer in front of me. She apologized numerous times to me about the delay, and we exchanged a few friendly glances (I of course told her the delay was no problem). Needless to say before she got done putting the paper back into the machine I had thought of a line, or in, that could of gotten me to asking her out... I didn't say it. She wasn't like super hot or anything, but she was really very cute and had some very nice looking boobies (which I LOVE).

On my way home I caught myself thinking about going back, but more than that I caught myself thinking, 'what did I miss?' Was it nothing? (would she of rejected my offer for a date?) was it a good time (maybe just a 'one night stand') or could I of missed something more than that... could I of missed 'the one' just cause I have no balls.

When I left the register she again apologized about the delay and I looked back about 3 steps away from the register to assure her it wasn't a problem and I recieved a very warm smile and a look into her eyes that was totally not nessiccary... indicating enjoyment.
Sunday, August 7th, 2005
10:36 pm
becoming ridicurous
I've noticed an unnerving trend in my life. When I am work I look foward to the next time I get to come home. When things get shitty or tough or I am fed up with "Marine life" I just focus on getting back home and all the fun and good times I can spend with my brothers and even the chance encounter with a young lady. So I get home and somehow, maybe due to high expectations, or big plans, being home sucks. Most recently it's been dealings with Rebekah that have been a huge killer of my visits home. Perhaps it's my fault for allowing that to dampen an entire visit, but it's tough to not let it into my psychy and my mood and demeanor. I honestly thought she was the one. I really did, count it as youthful mistake, or over enthusiasm, or maybe it was her fault but I was very much tied up with her. Needless to say I've never been good with letting girls go, or getting over them in the past and this is no different, just much much worse. The whole thing is getting distressing because every time I come home I feel less and less as if it is home, and I honestly feel pushed to go back to cali when i'm at home. However, I dislike 'military life'. I don't hate it, and I don't doubt that I'll make it the rest of my term, and i know it'll probably get better as it goes on, but I really hate feeling pushed towards it because I am not going to stay in once my contract is up, and when that time comes around I want to have a place to go back to, I'm tired of trying to restart my life ever 2 years. This place was finally starting to feel like home to me and then I enlisted and it's slowly feeling less and less like home and more and more like a place that I am just imposing on with my presence. I am starting to have the fear that in '08 when I get out I'm going to move back and it's not going to be home anymore and I'll have to restart my life for the 37th time. When the whole point of going off the the damn Corps was to get me going in the direction I wanted my life to go, but now it seems as though it's more of a exercise of spinning my wheels for 4 years just to have to dig myself out again once it's over. It's very frustrating. I already feel like i'm behind in life compared to my peers of equal age and I have a whole lot of plans for my life... starting to wonder how I am to get at all of it when I can't even get started. I like to tell myself that getting started is the hard part, and once I do then everything will fall into place and all... but I think i tell myself that just to make me feel better about how hard it is now. Nothing is free, and good things are never cheap but is it really have to be this hard? I swear if this goes on like it is I'll be a 50 year old at 25. Or maybe all this responsibility and stress and bagage is just part of being an 'adult'. If that is the case than I am having trouble ajusting to 'real life'. I seriously feel like i've got a 100lbs on my back at all times, emotionally/mentally mostly, but it's starting to seriously feel physical as well and I don't like it. Maybe shit will get simplier in Iraq. I honestly don't even want to have half a thought of home, or Rebekah, or any of this shit while i'm there. Hopefully i'll be busy enough, and tired enough when i'm not busy that it'll never cross my mind. But of course I already know that that won't be the case because whenever I'm gone this is pretty much all I can think about. Even at freakin boot I thought endlessly of my life back home. Whatever.. I guess i'll get through, always do, or always have. I do still feel like i'm missing something quite major.

Wednesday, August 3rd, 2005
7:54 am
so long
Last night I got to hang out with an old friend of mine. it had been more than a year since i'd last seen her. I had always enjoyed her company... even though we are very different people from even more different backgrounds we seem to get along quite smoothly. Friday night we're going out for a formal dinner... she is getting the reservations, but i'm pretty sure it's some steak house. She also decided that the plan of action after dinner would be to go to a strip club. No dissenting comments from me. I gotta get my uniform (blues) cleaned and pressed for this occasion... she said she was going to wear her prom dress. It should be a pretty fun night, in all it's random glamor. I look foward to it.

The more interaction I have with Bekah, the worse it seems. Amy really nailed it I think when she said that if Bekah had really liked me then she would of stuck through some of the issues we had rather than up and leaving so quickly. Even still knowing and starting to believe that I am having a hard time letting her go. I really did love her.

Anyways, i'm going to work for sam today to offset all my expenses. Saturday night we got a $250 hotel room downtown for $50... it's going to be the 'going away' party of a life time... hopefully ;) Peace niggers

Monday, July 18th, 2005
5:19 pm
so very predictable
On my last post I commented on how I need new friends. The truth to that lament is ringing truer and truer every day (especially today). I'm still looking foward to visiting Denver like none other, but I don't really know what I'm going to do there. I mean, I'll hang out with Sam and Micah, but as for 'friends' I don't really have any there, and even less that I would actually want to hang out with. Rebekah called me today. I didn't answer cause I was in a different room, but she left a stupid message asking me to call her, if I wanted, and if not she'd give me a call back sometime later. How retarded is that?! she was the one that told me that we shouldn't talk anymore, and that I wasn't allowed to call her anymore. Now the 'hand' or control in the relationship is completely mine. I know that if I were to 'play my cards' correctly I could get anything (physically) I could want from her when I got back to Denver. All I'd have to do is not call her until I got back, then see her at church or something and be all 'cool' about it and invite her to a club or something, then not put my complete attention on her the entire night, and by the end of it she'd be clawing her way to get at me.

[some may say that is an overly simplified, and highly optomistic way to look at it, but it really isn't because back when I came home from boot I did the exact same thing, and that is why we got together at all. Not to mention I got all that I could imagine from her (physically]

The thing about it is this. I really don't care about what I can 'get' from her. She'll never understand that I could, if I handled myself differently. She won't understand that if I were to call her today, right now even, it would be a perfect display that I have no desire to get what I can from her. She wouldn't understand that if I called her today that it would be because I miss her so much and that I haven't stopped wanting her in my life. You all know that if she said we could get married when I'm on leave (in Denver) I would jump at the oppritunity. Sure that's lame and rather pathetic, but I probably would. I know she would think that if I even mentioned wanting to be together again than she would automatically and instinctively think that all I wanted was to make out with her. Maybe she is justified by past experiences with boys, and even past experiences with me, but it isn't true, and no amount of explaining or petitioning is going to change her mind. So at the end of the day, I'm left holding all the cards and having nothing more than a duece 7, off suited. (you hold'em fiends will know what I mean) Yeah, i want her back, I want to spend hours on the phone with her, just like old times, I want to be able to see her every day when I get back to Denver. And I want to tell her all this and go to great lengths trying to explain it to her and explain all of my intentions... but would it be profitable for me to do that? hell no. She wouldn't understand (or I wouldn't explain it properly) and by the time I got to Denver something would come up, and her parents would give her a curfew (as long as she's with me) and I'd have a rotten leave and be stressed and irritated the whole time. (Not to mention the vast oceans of guilt I'd be drowning in if by some crazy happening we were to ever kiss or touch each other.) This is a place I never wanted to be in. I'm turning this relationship into that same childish "ex's that hook up occasionally, but can never really make it work" relationships that I make fun of my friends (and brother) for having. I've decided that what makes a person a child is them not knowing what they want. That's the difference between men and boys, and maturity and immaturity. I for one know what I want. Whether or not I ever could get it, or whether or not it's even there to be gotten (much less the posibility of not liking it once I got it) is one thing, the hard part is trying to find someone who wants the same thing I do, and even more, KNOWS that they want it. I know, I know! that if i were to ever start something again with Rebekah in 2 months the same God damned issues would come up, she'd have 2nd thoughts, and people would talk to her and she'd call one day with a completely different tone and explain to me that she isn't sure what she wants in life, and the prospect of getting what she once thought she wanted now scares her. Ben Gibbard once said that 'restlessness makes you lazy' but I add knowing what you want makes you restless, and laziness is the byproduct of a lack of certainty. Am I crazy for knowing what I want at such a "young" age? (I take offense at anyone who thinks that someone of my "young" age doesn't have the mental capacities to know what they want) Why should it take years and years and years to finally settle on what one wants? What law of nature says that a man at 19 can't know exactly what he wants in life, and what he wants for his life. In other societies I'd be considered far behind if I didn't already know what I wanted at this point in my life... but here in the lazy, feel good, and conventional American society it's not right for a man of my age to know what he wants, much less take the nessicary actions to get it. Rather, I should wait, wait some years and try and 'figure out' what it is I really want in life. Bull shit I say. If I met someone tomorrow that I thought was 'the one' (or whatever b.s. name you want to give them) why would it be so crazy to say "that's who I want, and we're going to marry this weekend." Why do people have to go through this whole 'coming of age' phase in their life in which they can do anything and get away with it just by saying "well, I'm not sure what I want... I need more time to figure it out". Some of us don't want to live our life trying to decide on what we want in our lives... some of us already know and would like to live the our life with what we want in that life.

I'm tired of the rederick from 'more mature' persons (especially parents) that tell me that I don't know what I want, or that I'm too young to know. I swear that if another "more mature" person tells me that I'm too young to know what I want I'm going to slap-a-hoe and then proceed to tell them to fuck off. This level of bull shit "i know because i'm older" is over, peace nigger, sianora. Just because other people in their youth didn't have the balls to figure out what they wanted until they were older doesn't mean that I can't. And just because they "lived" it before doesn't give them the right to tell me what I think I know. I know what I know and if you think you know what I think I know better than me you're wrong. So bring on the limp wristed, the linguini back boned and the others that waffle so easily in the winds of American "society", I'm no revolutionary, but I know what I want, and I know that no one else is in my head or has a real time download of all the thoughts and desires that I have in mind.

peace niggers


p.s. If you take offense to me using the racial slur "nigger" you can go suck your dad's cock. Slavery is over and repariations will never be made by me.
Friday, July 15th, 2005
10:03 pm
love and peace... is for pussies
Well, I just got done with our battalion FX... 10 days in the mother F*ing hot desert. It was alright other than the heat, and not having cold water or sleep. things I did:

Shoot a .50cal

shoot a 240G (at night with a night vision scope... pretty cool)

Used an infrared laser with night vision gogles on an m16 (I felt like freaking splinter cell!)

threw a grenade (boring)

saw some cobras fire some rockets (yeeeh)

got buzzed by a F/A 18 hornet at about 75ft

shot a prisoner (during a training exercise... oops)

saw a TOW missile go erratic.

got to use my new ACOG

Lots of boring convoy ops.

drove a HMMWV with night vision googles

Drove about 300 miles in my truck (hmmwv)

fell asleep at the wheel at 8 am

hear an M1 Abrams fire its main gun 20 meters away

and got sunburn and heat rash on my ankles

lots of shit,

Our leave (vacation) is going to start the 23rd, so hopefully I'll be back in denver by the 25th. I Can't wait! I miss my brothers a lot. Plus I'll be able to hit up the clubs some and hopefully find some nice, sexy young ladies... ;) Also I'm looking foward to seeing Megalie again, I miss her more than I ought. I decided quite firmly to not call or talk or see Rebekah... too much stupid shit with her to put a damper on my time off.

Iraq is starting to loom very close, we are suppose to be in country by the 28th of aug. I don't think it'll be too bad, but you never really know. 7 months away from my family and friends will definently suck a big one, but the $12k I'll have when I get home will be very nice, new computer time for sure. I'm still really hoping I'll get to run someone over with my truck... shooting some one would be cool, but being able to run some one over is so much more sporting. =) nah, i just hope I do good and do my job correctly and eveyone in my platoon comes home alright. (including myself)

I've figured out recently that I really, really need some new friends. All the old girls that I use to pal around with are getting very old and they are all pretty much full of bull shit, and I'm tired of it. I'm really hoping to meet some new people when I go home. and yes, some sex would be good, but even just hanging out with an intresting girl who can actually carry on conversation and is intellegent and stimulating would be outstanding. Oh well, I guess I'm not much in the place for girls, seeing as i am going to Iraq and and all... but surely there are some young ladies that support our troops (and Marines especially) And if that support is merely giving them a 'goodbye have a good time in iraq' fuck then hell yeh. whatever, All the commercials say "the change is forever" and I always thought that meant boot camp, but it really doesn't... boot camp was nothing, the fleet is where you begin to change... I've realized that even though I'm away from home all the time nothing really changes back there. You can visit all you want, but after a while what's the point? You already know exactly what it'll be like, and for me, that's exactly why I joined. Oh well. I still can't wait to be home... I hope it rains every day that I'm there! I miss the rain so much, and thunderstorms! lighting and hail and all that good crazy Denver weather. I think the prolonged exposure to the sun I receive here in the desert will begin to rot my mind sooner than later. Anyways. Peace in the middle east! haha yeah right, when there are no more wars to fight then I won't have a job, so bring on the insurgiency, bring on the terrorists, bring on the anti-american americans... they can all go to hell (or Allah if they choose) But I really don't understand why you'd want 72 virgins... sound like a piece of hell to me!

Peace nigger

Sunday, June 26th, 2005
2:48 pm
Viva... Las Vegas
Well, Phil is going to make his first trip to vegas next weekend. For the 4th of July. I get a 4 day weekend and plan on getting to vegas between 3-8pm depending on when i get off work on friday. Sam and Micah and Becky are driving down to meet me there, they should be there around noon. I spent this weekend in my room 90% of the time so as to save money for next weekend. Good plan, i should have near $600 (not all to blow) so it should be a helluva good weekend. I'm looking foward to seeing my brothers. After that weekend it should only be 4-5 weeks before I go home for pre-deployment leave. How exciting! 2 weeks at home and I already have gotten back into contact with a few old friends. Hopefully those reaquantances will prove to make the time a little more intresting. Doesn't look like I'll be spending much, if any, time with Rebekah...... And she was worried that I would be the one not to handle this with maturity............... I am still mostly sure she doesn't read this, if she does then so be it. She needs to grow up and deal with the situations like an adult. Not returning phone calls is a childish way out of a circumstance you don't like. I know, I know these circumstances are not made any better by her parents or sister. I wouldn't be surprised to know that it's them who are telling her not to talk to me.... a real mature influence eh? IT's funny, earlier today I was talking to my great friend Andrea and I explained to her that I'm not even hurt as one would expect at this point. I'm just pissed the hell off that this has gotten so childish. I really thought i had a grown up, mature, adult relationship with this girl. wtf

peace niggers

Monday, June 20th, 2005
7:40 pm
7:09 pm
sup sup
I spent 2 weeks up in northern California. I was about 100miles west of Reno. It was a lot of rapelling and ropes and hiking and packs and all that great stuff... the weather and scenery was very nice, the training was tiring. we found out that we are leaving between the 24th and 28th of august, (for Iraq). So that means we should have our leave block in early aug. those 2 weeks in denver are going to be some crazy times. The goals for the trip will be: 1(nights drunk) 2(girls met and conquored) 3(getting back to base on time).

I haven't talked to Bekah since the thursday night before i left for bridgeport... she hasn't answered her phone. I don't want to jump to conclusions... but i'm starting to wonder is she just doesn't want to talk. whatever, she has my number, her ass can call my ass if she wants to talk.

I went to a casino last night with some of the boys. it was an 18+ indian reservation casino... I met some really really ridiculously hot chicks, lost about $50 on the black jack tables. I was up about $60 at one point, but the hot chick that was playing with me left and i started losing. damn bitches. the one i was talking to invited me up to her room, but then one of her friends cock blocked like a mother. unfortunate.

We don't have to be back to work till wednesday morning. Then we should have some more time off for the 4th of July. I think i'm going to Vegas for the 4th, sam and micah may drive down to vegas and i'll go up and meet with them. should be fun, hopefully i won't lose too much money. I think i'm going to buy an IPod for Iraq. Itd be worth it so i don't have to cart all my damn cds and a player half way across the world. Maybe i'll score and somebody will buy one for me before i leave. =) hints....

Well i'm outta this joint, i'm going to go fing some beer to drink or something. take it easy live journal world. I will see you on the flip side

Sunday, May 29th, 2005
1:38 pm
out of gas
well, i'm home for the weekend. I bought a car, '95 Acura Integra. It's nice, it'll do the job, mission accomplishment right, right. I also bought a very cheap Fender acoustic guitar. I need somethign to keep me busy and retain my sanity in the desert. it sounds nice and is a solid top and i got it with a whole package (bag, strap, tuner etc) for $170. Last night Sam and I went to club vinyl. It was bad ass. Very cool club, lots of people (lots of hot chicks). I danced with a few hotties, it was all good. I met a girl from the OC, she didn't believe that I was a Marine, and turns out she was 25 and not into young men like myself, oh well.

I'm having even more intensive troubles with Rebekah's parents. She came to the airport with sam to pick me up, and we hung out for a few hours that night. Apparently I left a hicky on her neck and her parents did a complete flip out. They told her she is not allowed to hang out with me at all the rest of the weekend. Bullshit (as SSGT Magdaleno would say). I'm going to have a chat with her rents tonight. may i keep my head please.

I had a nice long conversation with my old old friend. She is that one "the one that got away" girl. It's intresting to me to see her and I go through years of life and still we can talk like we're best buds and always have been even if it'd been 6 months since the last time we talked. We did agree that we have the hardest friendship ever, but sometimes it pays off and is a really good thing. I miss her.

I'll post again before i start my road trip back to the desert.

Saturday, May 14th, 2005
3:58 pm
off to the desert we go....
hola, and hello for you few english speaking peasants.

Well, I'm done with SOI. I graduate on tuesday. quick recap - I finished at the very top (#1) in my class academically, I'll probably be 3-4th by the time the full results appear. last wednesday I got to fire a TOW missile. Probably one of the cooler things i've done in my life. I ended up completely obliterating a 3 ton truck about 2,000m down range. First confirmed kill ;)
I got my destination (I'll get my orders monday). I'm going to First Tank Battalion, 7th Marine Regiment. They are stationed in 29 palms CA. For all of you who don't know, 29 palms is in the middle of the Mojave desert. about 2 hours south of Las Vegas and 30 minutes north of Palm Springs.... It gets real hot there. No word yet on when I'll be deployed.

on the other front.
I leave for Montana next friday (the 20th) for Micah's wedding. It should be intresting, my entire family is going to be there, mother, father and 5 siblings... I may need my m16 service rifle. BUT in good news Rebekah, my ultra cool beautiful girlfriend will be there. hip hip hooray. I miss her so fucking badly. It'll be awesome to see her. Outside of that my life is in the upside down toggled position still. I have no clue what life in 1st tanks will be like, nor do i know when or where we'll be getting deployed. I hope it's not to Iraq too soon, but there are some rumors it'll be sept.

I'd love to hear from you guys, i should get much more access to the outside world once i graduate SOI on tuesday. comments are always appreciated.

Sunday, April 10th, 2005
9:49 am
I am now an 0352 TOW missle gunner. TOW meaning "tube launched, optically tracked, wire guided". it is an $80k 36lbs missle used to destroy enemy tanks at ranges up to 2.7km. truely bad ass. Other cool things about my job include the fact that the TOW system is mounted on Humvees, meaning i won't be humping anywhere, just driving the trucks. 2nd, for security each section of TOWS has one or two trucks with the missle system and 3 or 4 trucks with .50 cal machine guns. So I will be firing some BIG machine guns and driving Humvees. aye aye sir. the next 5 weeks will be class time to learn how to fire $80k in one shot. Should be pretty chill and easy.

on the other front....
Rebekah's dad is going to really piss me off. But she is amazing.

Kill babies
Saturday, April 2nd, 2005
2:22 pm
Dirty D's
Well, I finally got picked up in the Infantry Training Battalion. Delta Company to be exact. So far i've shot my M16A2 service rifle, thrown an M67 fragmentation grenade, fired an M203 40mm grenade launcher, fired an M136 AT4 rocket launcher and fired the M249 SAW light machine gun. Lots of fun. We also had our first live fire exercise the other day. By God's grace no one got shot. Last week we spent monday and thursday night in the field, good stuff but it was a little cold. Next week we play with M81 claymore mines, and do a lot of NBC (nuclear, biological and chemical) protective gear and also lots of land navigation. It's goingwell so far. I made a 100% on the first written test (one of only 8 in the 270 strong company). I have decided on the MOS (military ocupational specialty) that i want. 0352 - TOW missle gunner. Basically it's a big huge missle fired from a Humvee that can kill a tank from 2.7k away. Tank sniper is what it is called. It's suppose to be pretty bad ass and it's the most technical in the infantry field. Lots of class time will be spent learning this weapons system. Other good points of SOI ITB is the packs. Our ILBE packs are awesome, doesn't even feel like you're wearing a pack. Another amazing thing is the 3 point sling for our M16s. so much better than the parade slings we were forced to use in boot. Also we have liberty. Every friday after the day' work is complete we get turned to liberty and don't have to report back till sunday at 1800 (6pm) It is awesome. Being in civillian clothes is probably the best part of it. well, not really, the best part of it is being able to call Rebekah. I talk to her nearly constantly on the weekends and it's never enough. I miss her like mad. We're hoping she'll be able to visit around May 1. I can't wait to see her. Anyways, i do have a cell phone these days, I can't use it during the week, but if you want to call during the weekend, or leave a message during the week here is the number
(303) 547 2608
calls are welcome.

I need to run, this computer access does cost a good bit of money. peace to all of you peace lovers, and a big Kill babies to the killers out there


Semper Fi
Wednesday, March 16th, 2005
12:06 pm
hey guys,

I'm at SOI. Unfortunately I got put into the guard unit when i got there over a week ago. It sucks hardcore, but there is a slight chance i will get to shoot someone. but other than that, it blows, oh and also i get hazard pay, ($300/month). anyways, i should drop to a trainging company next wednesday, finally in training. in Which i'll get my weekends off. which will be cool

other news, phil has a girlfriend, Rebekah Talarico (you may remember her from about a year ago). Trying hard to keep in touch with the distance and all. She's fantastic, I miss her a lot and can't wait to see her again. I'm planning to get her out here sooner or later. spend a weekend in san diego... good stuff.

Saturday, February 26th, 2005
5:39 pm
semper Fi
Pvt. Martin is on his 10 days leave. Currently he is in Huntsville AL. You may reach him at 2568591368

My email account somehow got cleared... so if you sent me email in the last 3 months i didn't get it. oh well.

IF you want to know about Marine Corps boot camp, call, or come over and we'll talk.

I'll be on leave until 1500 March 8. I'll be in Denver come wednesday.


Pvt. Martin
Sunday, November 28th, 2004
4:12 pm
Hey journal peoples.

I leave tomorrow. Tonight i go to the hotel, tomorrow to MEPS, then the airport, then San Diego. Apparently they usually don't pick us up from the airport USO until very late at night. so by tuesday early morning i should be on base, MCRDSD. Anyways. piece to all. call the house, or my sister to get my address in a week or so. letters only please.


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